When Trust is Broken.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 1 Corinthians 4-5

This journey set before us called life has many unexpected twists and turns that many times we never see coming. The one constant that God has provided for us here on earth, is Love. Love has a partner and the two go hand in hand, the second is called Trust. Together the two tackle the main problem of humanity, Sin. From the beginning of time, God's story from Genesis to Revelation, the whole thing, is a love story written to us, for us, and about us. The one thing that God demands of us is Trust. So then it is not hard to see why God, forming us in His image, made Love and Trust such important and critical emotions. It is truly profound if you think about it that the image God was speaking of in His Word, was not as much a physical identity, but an Emotional image. Keeping that in mind, as an intro, if you will, I give you blog number three in our journey, When Trust is broken...

In my relationship with God I have had times where I have failed. We all do. But it is entirely different to hurt someone in the flesh, someone close, someone you love. The thing about the Devil and his creation of sin, is that it specializes in taking something God created for good, and turning it into something wicked, warped, and mangled until it hardly resembles the creation it started out as.

The same can be said for a relationship. Satan can take a perfectly good thing, a relationship God has fashioned, and drive the wedges of hurts, habits, and hang-ups, deep into the hearts of the individuals involved. This is true of all relationships, friendships, dating relationships, marriages, the list goes on. The question then, is, when the damage has already been done, how do we overcome what Satan has done, and use it to strengthen the relationship it was aimed at destroying? The short answer is, there is no short, simple answer.

How do we overcome what Satan has done, when the damage is already done?

This is no easy task. The first human reaction to the damage Satan has done is to get angry. Slowly at first until the full mind-numbing, heart-wrenching, gut level anger is fully exposed and the vicious nature that is our flesh wants nothing more than revenge. It is the first reaction you see out of a three year old who has been pushed down. Crying, snot-nosed, and sometimes bloody, they get up, tears still in their eyes and go to exact revenge, quickly and forcefully. It is our nature. It doesn't matter if we don't have all the facts, nor does it matter that sometimes we knew it was coming due to the actions or course we are heading, if we as humans get hurt, we want our attackers to feel that hurt. The second thing that happens in this situation is a slow-motion playback of all the signs that pointed right to the unseen yet very much inescapable consequence of that sin. Then, finally, when all other emotions subside, the deep hurt and revelation of the betrayal is exposed, and it feels unbearable. It is in this moment that Satan sits back and enjoys his creation. The thing he has slaved over, his baby. The relationship that God crafted before the beginning of time, this tapestry of love, slowly comes unraveled. Sin has won again. Or has it?

The one thing Satan has overlooked from the beginning of time has been HIS creator. The very one that he, in the beginning, betrayed, the author and perfecter of our Faith and more importantly, Love. God's love is endless, and knows no boundaries. There are several steps that we must take on this road of healing, that are huge weapons against Satan's attack, and more importantly serve as the stepping blocks we must walk in order to get to a place of peace and unity with God, and with the ones we have hurt.

Step one: Pray, ask God to give you the Grace you don't deserve, and the strength to face those you've hurt with compassion, humility, and understanding. The road ahead is not an easy one and will not pass quickly...

Step two, is simply this, you need to get one on one with the person you have sinned against, the person you have hurt, and you get it all out. Say everything and leave nothing undiscussed. First you need to admit your wrongs against them and against God. Then, you need to sit back, quietly and humbly, and listen to what the other person has to say. This is never easy. They will say things that you will simply think are not true, get over it, if they're feeling them than they are real and you will have to deal with them. Often times this means getting alone in a quiet place away from other people and fleshing out every aspect of the hurts between you.

Third, say you are sorry and mean it. If you don't mean it than you might as well walk away from that friendship, relationship, marriage right then and there. Only a broken man, is welcome in the Kingdom of God. Sorry will not be enough for the biggest ugliest of hurts, only time can heal those wound, but you must make them right regardless. Sarcasm will not help the situation nor will it make the wound hurt less, the fact is there has been damage, a breech in trust, and that does not ever fix itself nor does it happen overnight.

Fourth, allow time for God to work in the hearts of all involved in the situation. If it is a spouse or some other significant other, this will be a trial and error event. Nothing about what has been done will be fixed right away and no matter how hard you try, trust will not rebuild itself. Trust is the slowest developing product of any relationship but it is the fastest to disappear. In an instant the thing you have worked so hard to build can shatter in your hands. There is no trust super glue that makes things better. The only solution is to rely fully on God and pray for your relationship.

Lastly, for pete sake stop doing whatever it was that created that breach in trust. How can you rebuild a brick wall on the beach is the tide is washing away your foundation? In the same way you must put up barriers and boundaries to protect yourself from these things and stay away from them.

You know, I can't help but look at the situation that Im in now, watching the people I've hurt react to the things I've done, and see a small glimpse of how God must feel every time we fall into the sin that so easily entangles. After all, he is the author of our emotions, they are crafted after His own. And the greatest thought of all is this: "But God demonstrates His own Love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 What an overwhelmingly comforting thought! While we were still the dirty, sinful, gross, betraying, backstabbing, lying, creatures of sin, God had compassion for His creation, and He gave us the ultimate gift, Grace. If you can't get excited about that, something is just slap wrong with you!

More to come, stay tuned.

Josh